I do not want to call my life a struggle or a path of suffering. However, I believe we came to this world to live a life and grow better and stronger under the circumstances we face in life. The journey that brought me to somatic therapy started a long time ago, and that is how the story begins.
I was born to a Ukrainian family of a doctor and a business owner. My family went bankrupt when I was three years old, and that created a lot of distress for my family. Financial struggles pushed a lot of parents' traumas up. Unfortunately, A lot of them landed on my brother and me in the form of abuse and emotional neglect. We also witnessed our parents having mental breakdowns and addictions. Later my parents got divorced, and my brother and I were pushed into a situation where we needed to help our parents communicate so we took on the role of their “mediators” because the only way they communicate was through us. It was a heavy role to hold for a pretty young kid and from a very young age I started to learn how to read and see people on a deep level. The good part about it is that it helps me to see and understand my therapy clients now.
Because of this complicated situation at home as well as in school, I developed a pretty bad depression, social anxiety, and obsession to figure out a way to help myself and others.
My initial strategy was to create a “good image” of life with some financial success and prestige. Since my parents fought over money all the time as a teenager I thought if money was the issue then money is probably a solution. Long story short, 10 years later I was on a different continent, working at a prestigious job in a beautiful apartment, and was feeling as depressed as 10 years before that. Something was not right, I felt like all these achievements were meaningless. Looking back now I can say that it was the time when my “real” inner work started.
You can never get enough of what you do not need.
So that is when the deep digging began. I started doing things that I wanted to do not for the sake of approval by for the sake of my own meaning and most importantly I started to feel my emotions, I started to listen to myself, and I started to feel my body. I started to work with therapists and coaches. As I was diving deeper each interaction with my body felt very special and very right. I remember walking out of my first somatic therapy session and thinking “This is the solution to my suffering. This is the way I can let go of the pain I have been holding for so long. This is the way to release the deep shame I have held for so long.”
When I connected to my body in that session I knew that I was not the problem, what happened to me was the problem. I didn’t need to prove anything to anyone anymore. I was already enough in that moment. It was such a relief for me to see and feel that.
From that moment I became obsessed with body therapy and within a week applied for a Master's program in Somatic Psychotherapy.
Right now, after doing all this inner work, I feel like I am a different person. I still have some ups and downs from time to time, but I am not possessed by the feelings like it used to be. Feelings of shame, depression, social anxiety, and constant overthinking were dramatically decreased. I started to feel more joy for life, I started to notice joy in small things, my motivation quadrupled, my screen addiction was gone, and I started to be able to relate and connect with people on a deeper level.
There is hope. You are not the problem, what happened to you is the problem. The lack of connection and support that you experienced was the problem. I can help you connect to yourself, process the tension and pain, and help you connect to your Core Self, which is waiting for you underneath all the pain and tension. Your Core self is that courageous, calm, compassionate, curious, and confident person you always wanted to be.