EMDR and Perfectionism: Releasing the Fear of Making Mistakes

Dennis Guyvan
2 days ago
8 min read

I. Introduction

Do you constantly feel like you're walking on a tightrope—trying to get everything just right so you don’t mess up?
Do mistakes feel more like threats than learning opportunities?

If so, you’re not alone. Many people who struggle with perfectionism appear to have it all together on the outside—successful, driven, highly responsible—but inside, there’s often a quiet storm of anxiety, self-criticism, and fear.

Perfectionism isn’t just about wanting to do well. It’s often a deep, wired-in fear of being judged, rejected, or not being enough. And for many, this fear started years ago—through subtle (or not-so-subtle) experiences that taught the nervous system: “I must be perfect to feel safe or loved.”

But here’s the good news: you don’t have to stay stuck in this cycle. EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) offers a powerful path to healing the root of perfectionism—not just managing symptoms, but truly shifting the inner beliefs that keep you stuck.

If you’ve been searching for support that goes deeper than mindset tricks or productivity hacks, EMDR therapy in Denver may be exactly what you need to feel free from the fear of making mistakes.

Sprouts as a symbol of results from EMDR therapy in Denver

II. What Is EMDR?

You might be wondering, “What exactly is EMDR, and how can it help with perfectionism?”

EMDR therapy is a holistic, evidence-based method that helps your brain and body reprocess memories and beliefs that are keeping you stuck in old emotional patterns. It was originally developed to help people heal from trauma, but over the years, it's proven highly effective for anxiety, low self-worth, and yes—perfectionism.

Here’s how it works: During an EMDR session, you’ll identify a memory or experience that’s tied to a negative belief—like “I’m not good enough” or “If I make a mistake, I’ll be rejected.” As you hold this memory in mind, your therapist guides you through bilateral stimulation—such as eye movements, tapping, or tones—which helps your brain process the memory and release the emotional charge around it.

The result? You begin to see the past from a new perspective. You feel safer, more grounded, and more compassionate toward yourself. You may even find that situations that used to trigger perfectionistic panic or shame no longer have the same grip on you.

Let me ask:

What would shift in your life if you didn’t feel paralyzed by the fear of getting it wrong?
What might be possible if you could feel safe being imperfect?

This is the kind of freedom EMDR therapy can create—not by forcing change, but by helping your system release what’s been holding you back.

If you’re in Colorado and looking for a therapist who understands both the emotional and somatic layers of perfectionism, I offer EMDR therapy in Denver—in person or online.

Together, we can help you move from self-pressure to self-trust.

III. How Perfectionism Develops

Have you ever asked yourself, “Why do I feel like I can’t afford to mess up?”Or maybe you’ve noticed how hard you are on yourself—even for small things most people wouldn’t think twice about.

Perfectionism doesn’t come out of nowhere. It usually starts as a protective strategy—a way to stay safe in an environment that didn’t feel emotionally secure.

You might resonate with some of these early experiences:

Were you praised only when you performed well or got things “right”?
Did criticism, punishment, or even emotional withdrawal follow your mistakes?
Did you take on a lot of responsibility at a young age, becoming “the strong one” or “the fixer” in your family?
Did you grow up walking on eggshells, trying to control how others reacted by being perfect?

If any of this sounds familiar, know this: perfectionism didn’t develop because something is wrong with you. It developed because your nervous system learned that getting things right meant feeling safe, accepted, or valued.

But here’s the catch—what helped you survive then is probably holding you back now. That deep-seated fear of making mistakes is no longer protecting you… It’s exhausting you.

Mountain river as a symbol of the journey of EMDR therapy in Denver

This is exactly the kind of pattern that EMDR therapy is designed to heal. When you work with a trauma-informed EMDR therapist, you don’t just talk about these early dynamics—you actually help your brain and body reprocess them and release the stored emotional charge.

If you’re in Colorado and ready to break free from these long-held patterns, EMDR therapy in Denver can help you shift from perfectionism to presence.

IV. How EMDR Helps with Perfectionism

So how does EMDR therapy actually work when it comes to perfectionism?

The beauty of EMDR is that it helps you access the root cause of your fear—not just the surface-level stress of deadlines or imposter syndrome. Together, you and your therapist identify specific memories or emotional experiences that shaped the belief: “I must be perfect to be okay.”

Using bilateral stimulation, EMDR allows your brain to do what it was wired to do: process, integrate, and let go. It’s not about erasing memories—it’s about reprocessing them so they no longer carry the same emotional weight.

Through EMDR, clients often find that:

Old inner narratives start to shift—from “I can’t make mistakes” to “I’m safe, even when I’m imperfect.”
Self-compassion becomes accessible—not just intellectually, but somatically.
The body relaxes—less tension, less anxiety, fewer obsessive loops.
Decision-making gets easier—because fear is no longer running the show.

What might your life feel like if you didn’t need to strive for perfection to feel okay?

How would you show up at work, in relationships, or with yourself if you trusted that you were enough—even when things were messy?

That’s the kind of deep transformation EMDR therapy makes possible.

And if you're looking for a therapist who offers a nervous-system-informed and compassionate approach, I provide EMDR therapy in Denver to help high-achieving, sensitive adults unlearn perfectionism and embody true self-worth.

V. The Body’s Role in Perfectionism (Somatic Perspective)

Have you ever noticed how perfectionism doesn’t just show up in your thoughts—it shows up in your body?

Maybe your shoulders tighten when you hit “send” on an email. Or your heart races before giving feedback, just in case you “mess it up.”Maybe your jaw clenches every time you feel like you’ve fallen short.

This is one of the most overlooked parts of perfectionism: it’s not just a mindset—it’s a nervous system response. Your body remembers what it felt like to get criticized. It remembers what it felt like to disappoint someone. And it learned, over time, that the safest thing to do was to stay ahead of every possible mistake.

That’s why cognitive tools and affirmations only go so far. If your body still feels unsafe around imperfection, your mind can’t override that.

EMDR therapy is so powerful because it speaks the language of the nervous system. It doesn’t just try to convince you that you’re enough—it helps your body believe it. Through the bilateral stimulation in EMDR, we access the deeper, stored responses—fear, shame, hypervigilance—and begin to untangle them from your identity.

When your nervous system no longer equates mistakes with danger, a new kind of freedom opens up. You can take a breath. You can slow down. You can make a decision without spiraling.

That’s what EMDR therapy in Denver offers: a way to not just understand your perfectionism—but to unwind it, from the inside out.

VI. Real-Life Outcomes of EMDR for Perfectionism

If you’ve lived with perfectionism for years, you might be wondering: Is it even possible to change?

The answer is yes. And not through willpower—but through healing.

Clients who go through EMDR therapy to address perfectionism often describe it like this:

“It feels like I’m finally free to be myself.”

“I don’t feel frozen anymore when I get feedback.”

“I can make decisions without overthinking everything 10 times.”

“I’m kinder to myself—and it feels natural.”

The transformation isn't just internal—it ripples outward:

You start taking healthy risks—not because you’re fearless, but because mistakes don’t define you anymore.
You set boundaries and limits—even if it means disappointing someone.
You show up more authentically—in relationships, at work, in your creative expression.
You become more present, less reactive, and more connected to your values—not just your performance.

And perhaps most importantly, you feel more alive.

Green tree as a symbol of the results from EMDR therapy in Denver

This is the kind of healing that’s possible with EMDR therapy, especially when it’s grounded in both emotional attunement and body awareness.

If you're ready to experience this kind of shift, and you're looking for EMDR therapy in Denver, I’d be honored to support you. You don’t have to keep carrying the weight of perfectionism alone.

VII. You Are Not Broken

If you’ve been battling perfectionism for a long time, it’s easy to start believing that something is wrong with you. That maybe you’re just wired this way—always anxious, always overthinking, always striving.

But I want you to hear this clearly: You are not broken.

Perfectionism isn’t a flaw in your personality. It’s a learned response—a protective strategy that once made sense. It helped you navigate environments where being perfect felt like the only way to feel safe, seen, or loved.

The problem is that the strategy doesn’t serve you anymore. It keeps you small, stuck, and constantly questioning your worth.

EMDR therapy doesn’t shame you for having these patterns—it honors them. It creates space for your nervous system to finally let go of the fear it’s been gripping for years. It helps you remember what it feels like to trust yourself, even when things aren’t perfect.

You don’t need to be “fixed.”You just need space to heal—gently, somatically, and at a pace that your system can truly integrate.

That’s what I offer through EMDR therapy in Denver—a compassionate, grounded approach to unwinding the roots of perfectionism and helping you come home to your whole self.

VIII. Ready to Begin?

If any part of this resonated with you—if you’ve been nodding along, feeling that tightness in your chest, or thinking “this is exactly what I’ve been dealing with”— know that you’re not alone, and there is a path forward.

Whether you’ve tried other forms of therapy or this is your first step toward healing, EMDR therapy can meet you where you are and help you move toward where you want to be.

If you’re in Colorado and looking for someone who gets the emotional and nervous system side of perfectionism, I offer EMDR therapy in Denver—both in-person and online for accessibility. My approach combines somatic awareness, trauma-informed care, and practical transformation.

You don’t have to keep hustling for your worth. You don’t have to be perfect to be okay. You just have to be willing to take the first step toward healing.

✨ Book a free consultation to see if working together feels like the right fit. I’d be honored to support you on this journey.

References

American Psychological Association. (2023). Perfectionism. https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/stress/2023/perfectionism

Dispenza, J. (2017). Becoming Supernatural: How Common People Are Doing the Uncommon. Hay House, Inc.

Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

Shapiro, F. (2018). Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy: Basic Principles, Protocols, and Procedures (3rd ed.). The Guilford Press.

Stoeber, J., & Otto, K. (2006). Positive conceptions of perfectionism: Approaches, evidence, challenges. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 10(4), 295–319. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15327957pspr1004_2

Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.

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Dennis Guyvan, a therapist in Denver, CO. He provides individual in-person/online therapy and life coaching in Denver, CO and online coaching worldwide . Schedule your free 30-minute therapy consultation with Dennis Guyvan.