EMDR for Men: Breaking Free from Emotional Suppression

Dennis Guyvan
Apr 17
8 min read

Updated: Apr 17

I. Introduction: Why Many Men Feel Numb, Shut Down, or Disconnected

Have you ever thought:

“I don’t even know what I feel anymore.”

Maybe your partner asks you to open up, and you freeze—not because you don’t care, but because you genuinely don’t know what to say.

Or maybe you’ve stopped trying altogether.

You just keep going.

Keeping it together.

Keeping busy.

Staying quiet.

If any of this sounds familiar, you're not alone.

And you're definitely not broken.

Most men don’t grow up being taught how to feel.

Instead, many are taught to suppress.

Messages like:

“Be strong.”
“Don’t cry.”
“Suck it up.”
“Get over it.”

Whether it came from family, culture, school, sports, or survival—your nervous system got the message:

Feelings aren’t safe. Emotions make you weak. Keep it inside.

So you did.

And it worked—until it didn’t.

Over time, that emotional shutdown can start to show up in other ways:

Numbness
Disconnection
Anxiety
Frustration or outbursts
A feeling that you’re living on autopilot

But here’s what most people don’t tell you:

Those feelings aren’t a character flaw.

They’re a protective response.

And they don’t go away just because you will them to.

They get stored—in your body, your reactions, your relationships.

That’s where EMDR therapy comes in.

Unlike traditional talk therapy, EMDR doesn’t require you to explain everything or talk about your emotions for an hour. It works with your nervous system to help you release what’s stuck—gently, safely, and without pressure.

In my work offering EMDR therapy in Denver, I help men reconnect with themselves—not by becoming "more emotional" but by becoming more whole.

If you’re tired of holding it all in…

If you want to feel more grounded, more clear, and more like yourself again…

There’s another way forward.

Let’s explore it—together.

II. What Is EMDR—and Why Does It Work for Men?

Let’s start with the basics:

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing.

It’s a therapy originally developed for trauma, but it’s now widely used for:

Anxiety
Anger issues
Emotional numbness
Panic attacks
Low self-worth
And yes—emotional shutdown

But EMDR is not about talking through every painful detail.

EMDR therapy usually works well for men because it’s focused, structured, and efficient. And it gets to the root—fast.

How EMDR Works

When something overwhelming happens—especially early in life—your brain may not fully process the experience. Instead, the emotion, memory, and belief (like “I have to stay strong”) get stuck in your nervous system.

EMDR helps you go back to that stuck material—without reliving it.

It uses something called bilateral stimulation (like side-to-side eye movements or tapping), which activates both sides of your brain while you recall the issue.

This allows your nervous system to:

Reprocess what happened
Let go of the emotional charge
Update old beliefs (like “I can’t show emotion” or “I have to hold it all together”)
And replace them with new, more grounded truths

Why This Is Especially Helpful for Men

A lot of men don’t want to sit around talking about their feelings—and that’s okay.

EMDR doesn’t require that. It works with how the body stores emotion, not just what the mind thinks about it.

You can go into a session feeling guarded, flat, or even unsure where to start—and still experience real movement. The therapy meets you where you are.

In my work providing EMDR therapy in Denver, I’ve seen men who felt stuck for years begin to feel again—calmly, gradually, without losing control. They walk out of sessions feeling lighter, clearer, and more themselves.

If traditional therapy hasn’t worked for you—or if you’ve never felt safe enough to try—EMDR might be exactly what your system has been waiting for.

III. The Cost of Emotional Suppression

Emotional suppression doesn’t just disappear with time. It doesn’t stay neatly buried. It finds other ways to show up.

And for many men, it looks like this:

You feel numb most of the time, except for random spikes of anger or anxiety
You’re pulled away from people you care about, but you don’t know how to reconnect
You stay busy—with work, workouts, or distractions—just to avoid being still
You feel irritated more than you feel happy
Or you think, “I should be fine, so why do I feel so off?”

Here’s what’s really happening:

When you suppress emotion for years (or decades), your nervous system stays stuck in defense mode.

When You Don’t Feel Like Yourself Anymore

There’s a moment—quiet, often unnoticed—when you realize something’s off. You’re doing the same things. Saying the right things. Going through the motions .But something’s missing.

Maybe it’s energy. Maybe it’s motivation. Maybe it’s a sense of connection—to others or to yourself.

You can’t quite explain it. You’re not falling apart. But you’re not fully here either.

And the truth is—you miss yourself. The version of you who could feel things. Who laughed without faking it . Who didn’t feel so far away from everything.

This is what emotional shutdown can feel like. It’s not always loud. Sometimes it’s just a slow drift. A dullness. A disconnect.

This defense mode is about bracing. Always scanning. Always trying to protect you.

But instead of helping you function better, that protection starts to become a prison.

It keeps the world out—and it keeps you in.

This is where EMDR therapy makes a difference.

It doesn’t push you to talk more. It helps you get underneath the shutdown.

You don’t have to explain every memory or relive every detail. We just work with what’s showing up now—and trust that your system knows where to go.

In my practice offering EMDR therapy in Denver, I often hear clients say things like:

“I didn’t realize how much I’d been holding in until it finally let go.”

“I thought I just had an anger problem, but it was deeper than that.”

“I feel more clear, more grounded, and more like myself.”

Emotional suppression is exhausting. It may have helped you survive. But it doesn’t have to be your baseline anymore.

IV. What Happens When Men Start to Feel Again

Let’s be honest: For many men, the idea of “feeling more” sounds… uncomfortable.

Maybe even risky.

You might worry:

“If I open that door, will I lose control?”
“If I let my guard down, will I get overwhelmed?”
“What if I feel something I can’t handle?”

That fear makes sense—especially if you’ve spent years holding it all together.

But here’s what most men find when they actually begin to feel again:

You don’t fall apart. You come back to yourself.

What Feeling Again Actually Looks Like

Through EMDR therapy, men begin to reconnect with emotions gradually—not all at once, and not in ways that feel chaotic.

Instead, you might start to notice:

A deep breath that actually lands
A moment of quiet that doesn’t feel empty
A flash of grief… followed by clarity
A sense of calm you haven’t felt in years

You start to feel present—not reactive. You start to feel relief—not fear. You start to feel in control—not overwhelmed.

That’s because emotions, when processed safely, aren’t dangerous. They’re information. And once your system knows that it’s safe to feel, it doesn’t have to fight anymore.

In my work with men in EMDR therapy in Denver, this is one of the most powerful shifts:

It’s not about becoming “emotional.”It’s about becoming authentic.

Grounded. Present. Real.

You don’t have to stay cut off from your emotional world. And you don’t have to dive in all at once.

You just need the right support… and a safe way in.

VI. “But I Don’t Even Know Where to Start…”

That’s okay.

A lot of men come into therapy saying the same thing.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.”“I don’t have any big trauma—I just feel stuck.”“I’ve been numb for so long, I’m not sure there’s anything there.”

If that’s you—you’re exactly where you need to be.

You don’t need to have the right words. You don’t need to come in with a story.And you definitely don’t need to feel broken.

All you need is the willingness to be curious about what’s beneath the surface.And the courage to try something different.

In EMDR therapy, we don’t wait for the perfect starting point.We begin with whatever’s showing up now:

Stress in your chest
That familiar knot in your stomach
A recent situation that left you reactive or flat
Or just the overall sense that you’re “not feeling much of anything”

From there, the process unfolds naturally.

Your nervous system already knows what needs to be healed. EMDR just gives it the support and structure to finally do it.

So if you’re hesitant… that’s okay.If you’re unsure… that’s normal.

And if you’re ready to feel even a little more like yourself again—That’s enough to begin.

V. Final Thoughts: You Don’t Have to Carry It Alone

If you grew up believing that strength meant staying quiet, holding it together, or pushing through without help—it makes sense if the idea of therapy feels foreign.

You were probably never given the tools to understand or express what you feel. You may not even have a language for it.

But none of that means healing isn’t for you.

It just means you need an approach that works with how you operate—not against it.

That’s what EMDR therapy is about. Not endless talking.Not emotional pressure. Just a safe, structured, and powerful way to release what’s been stuck—on your terms.

Whether you’ve been feeling numb, angry, disconnected, or like you’ve lost a piece of yourself…You’re not alone. And you don’t have to figure this out by yourself anymore.

In my practice offering EMDR therapy in Denver, I specialize in helping men come back to themselves—slowly, safely, and in a way that actually works.

If you’re curious about how EMDR can help you feel clear, grounded, and emotionally free again…

💬 I offer a free 30-minute Zoom consultation to talk through your questions and explore if this path feels like a fit.

You don’t have to stay stuck in survival mode. You don’t have to keep carrying it all on your own.

You can feel more—and still be strong. You can heal—and still be you. And you can start—today.

References

Badenoch, B. (2008). Being a Brain-Wise Therapist: A Practical Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology. W. W. Norton & Company.

Courtois, C. A., & Ford, J. D. (Eds.). (2013). Treatment of Complex Trauma: A Sequenced, Relationship-Based Approach. The Guilford Press.

Levine, P. A. (2010). In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness. North Atlantic Books.

Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

Real, T. (2002). How Can I Get Through to You? Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women. Scribner.

Shapiro, F. (2018). Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy: Basic Principles, Protocols, and Procedures (3rd ed.). The Guilford Press.

Van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.

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Dennis Guyvan, a therapist in Denver, CO. He provides individual in-person/online therapy and life coaching in Denver, CO and online coaching worldwide. Schedule your free 30-minute therapy consultation with Dennis Guyvan.